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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

New Year, New Plan

I am entering 2014 with a positive outlook and a new plan for adding to our family. 

I called my doctor Thursday after I started bleeding and he wanted me to come in, but I had to wait until Monday because he wanted to have ultrasound available. 
I went to the appointment Monday with high hopes of making an plan with my doctor and hopefully start getting some answers to what's going on. When I arrived, they had me go straight to ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a little confused about why I was having an ultrasound, as was I since I hadn't even talked to the doctor yet. I explained my situation to her and said I thought maybe he wanted to check for any remaining pregnancy tissue from this early loss or the D and C from September. She said everything looked normal and wrote up a quick report. 
Next, I went back to a room and waited to see the doctor. The nurse took my vitals and then I heard her talking to the doctor across the hall. As they were discussing that I was ready to be seen, I couldn't help but notice both the nurses and my doctor were using a tone almost like they were annoyed that I was there again. I quickly reminded myself that they were the ones that wanted me to be seen. 
My doctor came in and basically said that these early losses are common and we should just keep trying. He tends to always remind me that I had one child, so we know I can get pregnant. I want to scream at him, "we'll I'm pretty sure that doesn't guarantee I'll get pregnant again". 
When I questioned him about three losses in a row in just seven months, he said something about "trust me, look at my grey hair". I continued to question him, knowing my intuition is telling me something is not right, and he agreed to run lab work after this cycle. When I asked about seeing the specialist, he said if I felt the need for a plan, I could make an appointment for March, but he didn't think I needed the "big doctors" to get involved yet. 
I left knowing I wasn't going to get anywhere else with him, and also feeling like I wasted their (and my) time. I got in my car and cried for a few minutes. I just needed to get some feelings out. It's pretty emotional to go through all of this and I hate to think I am blindly going into another month where this may happen again. I was just hoping he would seem concerned enough to help me make a plan to start to look at why this might be happening. 
I, stupidly, called and canceled the appointment with the specialist, because I was thinking I didn't need it since he said not to go. I then talked to a friend who highly recommended her OB/GYN office and said the office actually does some of the initial infertility testing and treatment. She said the doctors are young and really seem to listen. I decided that maybe that is what I need, a new fresh look and approach to what's going on. I really like my curent doctor and I think he has a ton of experience and is probably one of the best OB's around for delivering babies, but I think he is very old school and conservative. I've decided that my new plan is to keep trying or "practice, practice, practice" as my dad says, and see this new OB in three weeks. 
After I made that plan and got some of my frustration handled, I was thinking it was stupid of me to cancel the appointment with the specialist, what's the worst they could do, tell me to keep trying and see me in a few months? So I called the specialist back to see if the appointment was still available, but of course it had already been filled. I made the final decision that my plan was in place and it would all work out.
So, I'm already feeling better and I'm ready to ring in the new year, with a positive attitude and a hopefully spirit that God will bless us with a little bundle very soon.  I'll update after my appointment on January 20th. 

Monday, December 30, 2013

Big Boy Bike

Logan was so excited to get outside and try his "blue bike" out. The weather has been pretty ugly and rainy, so we haven't had too many chances to be outside. Logan did a great job for his first real time on his bike!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Christmas 2013

I know I keep saying it, but this was the best Christmas yet.  Thanks to an amazing church, Logan actually understood the Christmas story and that we have Christmas to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  Each child was sent home last week from church with puppets to reenact the Christmas story and a cake mix and frosting to make a cake for Jesus's birthday. 
Logan decided he wanted to make cupcakes for Jesus's birthday, so on December 23rd, we made cupcakes, frosted them, sprinkled them, and then sang Happy Birthday to Jesus.  It was adorable!

Chippey the elf was a blast this year and there was only one night that he didn't :ahem: go to see Santa that night and end up in a new place.  Logan and I came downstairs and I immediately thought, "oh shoot!".  Logan did his usually walk around to look for Chippey in his new place, but couldn't find him.  Then I heard, "Hmm, why's Chippey in the tree again?"  I told him Chippey must really like that spot because he picked it for the second day in a row.  Whew!  Almost busted!

Christmas morning was amazing.  Logan woke up and headed right downstairs.  We caught this video:

A few pictures:

Mimi and Pop came by to see what Santa brought Logan.

Then, Granddaddy and Barbara stopped by for a few minutes. Somehow Granddaddy knew that Santa was bringing Logan a bike and he brought him a cool blue bike helmet to go with it.

Next G.G. came over, we loaded up an went to my mom's house to see her and Uncle Josh, Aunt Megan and Mackenzie.  Logan decided just to stay in his pajamas all day, and I figured, why not!
We ate a wonderful lunch, and opened even more presents with my mom. Mackenzie and Logan had a great time playing together and Logan was really sad to have to leave her. 

After all of that fun it was time to head to Mimi and Pop's to have Christmas with them and see Daniel, Shiloh and Uncle Brian. Logan took a little nap in the car on the way back, but woke up as we dropped GG off back at her car. 
When we got to Mimi's house, she had a big surprise waiting for the boys in the garage. We had the kids line up outside as we opened the garage door. Hiding inside the garage was a new bright red F150 2 seater truck.  The boys were so excited and ran right to it, which lead to the inevitable fight about who was going to drive first. After a fit and a few tears, Logan had his turn and loved it!  He actually drove it very well. Not only does the truck go forward, but it actually backs up and has a working radio! Mimi definitely picked a cool present, we just have to work on the taking turns thing.  Check out these big boys in their truck!

Bad Things Happen in Threes, Right?

I went ahead and posted the two previous posts since I received a  very unwelcomed gift Christmas morning. 

A few days before Christmas, I was bursting to test and was so hopeful to get a positive test right in time for Christmas. I had been dreaming that I would be able to wrap up a cute little newborn Christmas outfit and tell our families our great news!  I was thrilled when I got these results:
And then I got this....

Still not believing it and being scared that it might not stick, I continued taking tests.  They weren't really getting any darker and I knew what was happening. Another pregnancy that I was going to lose. On Christmas morning, I woke up and had a fabulous morning with my family, but in the back of my mind I knew what was coming. Sure enough, a few hours into the morning I got a very unwanted and unwelcomed Christmas gift, bleeding.
My doctor's office was closed, so I just reminded myself that's God's timing is perfect and I was determined to not let this get me down. 
I called my doctor first thing Thursday morning and spoke to the nurse. I left a message with the details and explained that I would like to go back to the reproductive specialist since this is technically 3 losses in 6 months.  The nurse called back with the doctor right beside her and explain that he wanted to see me on Monday and wanted ultrasound available. I'm assuming the ultrasound is to check that there is no remaining tissue. He also said that we would discuss going to the specialist. 

I went ahead and called the specialist today and set up an appointment since I'm off work for the next week and a half. I was able to get in January 2nd, but not with the same doctor I saw last time.
Although I was a patient there 5 years ago, it's been so long I have to fill out new paperwork again. 28 pages!! 
I got all of that done today and I am so ready to talk to someone and make a plan. The good news is my body is getting pregnant, but I have a feeling something is going on that is causing my body to reject or not continue the pregnancy. 

Whew! It's a bit crazy, but I'm so thankful for my faith and the patience God is providing me to help get me through this. I know some people have much bigger infertility issues than us, but having 3 different cycles of positive pregnancy tests all end in nothing takes a beating on your emotions. 

Friday, December 27, 2013

Trying Again

We were told by the doctor that we needed to wait two cycles until we would be able to try again. I'm a very list type of person, so I kept this little note on my mirror to help count down to trying again. 

I was afraid my periods would be irregular or extra long due to the loss and the procedure, but luckily they returned and actually ended up being a little shorter.  

I wanted to make sure I was doing everything possible it get our timing right and make this cycle successful, so I decided to keep using the ovulation tests, but also try a digital ovulation monitor. I was so excited to see that nice smiley face that means peak fertility and a positive ovulation test. 

I am now just waiting, and waiting, and waiting.  Luckily school, Logan and Christmas are keeping me busy and time is actually going quickly. I keep reminding myself it might not happen this month, and to remember that God's timing is perfect and I need to have patience. 

I'll know very soon!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Visiting Santa

Logan's list for Santa started pretty early this year. He loved looking in the mailbox for "magazines" so that he could cut and glue the pictures of all the toys he wanted. When I told him we were going to see Santa, we decided to decorate the list special for Santa.

We headed out, Santa list in hand, a few weeks ago to go make our annual visit with Santa. Logan was very excited, but I could tell he was a little nervous. He wanted to go see Santa, but he kept telling me that he wanted ME to sit on Santa's lap while he watched. I had a feeling there may be tears again, but of course, I still wanted the picture. We stopped in the mall so he could practice his list again, even though he spent the entire car ride reviewing it. 

We finally got to Santa, waited in line for about 30 minutes and finally had our turn. Logan was attached to me like a little monkey and I had to pry him off and basically just toss him to Santa. I have to give it to Santa, he held him there even through the kicking and crying. He gave Santa his list and 
We didn't get a very good picture, but we'll just add it to our others.

Maybe next year.....

Here's a recap just incase you can't remember our first couple of years. 

And... The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  Yep, that's me and my big brother.