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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

New Year, New Plan

I am entering 2014 with a positive outlook and a new plan for adding to our family. 

I called my doctor Thursday after I started bleeding and he wanted me to come in, but I had to wait until Monday because he wanted to have ultrasound available. 
I went to the appointment Monday with high hopes of making an plan with my doctor and hopefully start getting some answers to what's going on. When I arrived, they had me go straight to ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a little confused about why I was having an ultrasound, as was I since I hadn't even talked to the doctor yet. I explained my situation to her and said I thought maybe he wanted to check for any remaining pregnancy tissue from this early loss or the D and C from September. She said everything looked normal and wrote up a quick report. 
Next, I went back to a room and waited to see the doctor. The nurse took my vitals and then I heard her talking to the doctor across the hall. As they were discussing that I was ready to be seen, I couldn't help but notice both the nurses and my doctor were using a tone almost like they were annoyed that I was there again. I quickly reminded myself that they were the ones that wanted me to be seen. 
My doctor came in and basically said that these early losses are common and we should just keep trying. He tends to always remind me that I had one child, so we know I can get pregnant. I want to scream at him, "we'll I'm pretty sure that doesn't guarantee I'll get pregnant again". 
When I questioned him about three losses in a row in just seven months, he said something about "trust me, look at my grey hair". I continued to question him, knowing my intuition is telling me something is not right, and he agreed to run lab work after this cycle. When I asked about seeing the specialist, he said if I felt the need for a plan, I could make an appointment for March, but he didn't think I needed the "big doctors" to get involved yet. 
I left knowing I wasn't going to get anywhere else with him, and also feeling like I wasted their (and my) time. I got in my car and cried for a few minutes. I just needed to get some feelings out. It's pretty emotional to go through all of this and I hate to think I am blindly going into another month where this may happen again. I was just hoping he would seem concerned enough to help me make a plan to start to look at why this might be happening. 
I, stupidly, called and canceled the appointment with the specialist, because I was thinking I didn't need it since he said not to go. I then talked to a friend who highly recommended her OB/GYN office and said the office actually does some of the initial infertility testing and treatment. She said the doctors are young and really seem to listen. I decided that maybe that is what I need, a new fresh look and approach to what's going on. I really like my curent doctor and I think he has a ton of experience and is probably one of the best OB's around for delivering babies, but I think he is very old school and conservative. I've decided that my new plan is to keep trying or "practice, practice, practice" as my dad says, and see this new OB in three weeks. 
After I made that plan and got some of my frustration handled, I was thinking it was stupid of me to cancel the appointment with the specialist, what's the worst they could do, tell me to keep trying and see me in a few months? So I called the specialist back to see if the appointment was still available, but of course it had already been filled. I made the final decision that my plan was in place and it would all work out.
So, I'm already feeling better and I'm ready to ring in the new year, with a positive attitude and a hopefully spirit that God will bless us with a little bundle very soon.  I'll update after my appointment on January 20th. 

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