Last Day of Preschool

A few weeks ago, Chris and I took off work to go celebrate Logan's last day of preschool at Mt. Zion.  I had wads of tissues packed because I knew this was going to be a tough day for me.  I am so proud of Logan, all that he has learned and how far he has come socially, but this marks a huge transition and means he is really growing up.  

First day of preschool 3 years ago!!

We watched an adorable slide show of all the kids and I thought I would be able to make it through until they played the song, "Let Them Be Little"  Ugh!  As I was looking at their sweet pictures and listening to the  words to the song, tears were just pouring down my face.  It's so true, that they are little for such a short time  we should let them be little and enjoy them just as they are.  

I turned to see Logan lined up in the hallway and as soon as he saw me,  he gave me a huge smile and two thumbs up.  This is the same child, who wouldn't even go up on the stage last year, and now here he is standing so brave as if to tell me, "It's okay Mom, I'm fine".   More tears were streaming down and I didn't even care who saw.

After I dried all my tears and got myself together, I snuck up to the front and tried to snap a few (hundred) pictures and videos.  

Here are two videos of him and his friends singing.  

This was a little song they learned from their Spanish teacher.

"He's Got the Whole World in His Hands"

Then we headed down to his classroom for the party and our final goodbyes.  

This is Logan and his good buddy, Caleb.  

We are really going to miss Ms. Cindy!  She has been a special part of Logan's life for two years.  

His last hug!  

Hugs with Ms. Patsy

Heading home with all his loot and special memories!

We are going to miss Mt. Zion.  I still can't believe it's been 3 years!

The Master Plan

Well, today was supposed to be my due date for the pregnancy that I had in July that sadly ended in a d and c instead of a precious baby.  It stinks to think that we could have been welcoming our second child into our family right now.  Instead, we are still looking at this empty ultrasound screen praying one day we will see our little bean growing in there.  We are still holding onto faith that God will give us our baby when the time is right. 

I went to see the specialist again last Friday for the saline ultrasound and a consult after.  The ultrasound was interesting.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  They inserted a catheter and then a balloon into my uterus.  Then, they slowly push saline into the balloon so that they can get a really good look at my uterus.  She explained they were looking for fibroid, polyps, or scar tissue that might hinder an embryo from implanting.  It was quite a strange sensation and hurt a little as they enlarged the balloon. It only lasted about 5 minutes, so I just tried to grin and bear it.  Luckily, everything looked great and my uterus got the "all clear" from Dr. Hasty.  

I went into her office and we discussed all the lab results and what she thought our plan would be.  She confirmed that I do have PCOS and described it a a "closet case" since I don't have the typical symptoms.  She wrote me a prescription for Metformin, a common drug used to treat PCOS.  She seemed very confident that the Metformin should help us and would significantly decrease the risk of miscarriage.  I asked about Clomid since I had to take it with Logan, but she seemed to think that since I was ovulating on my own and having regular cycles I wouldn't need it at this point.

So, here we go...She hugged me, handed me the prescription and told me to call her when I get a positive test!!  I'm very hopeful, extremely thankful and still really nervous.  This really is the best case scenario.  Our insurance has covered everything up until this point, and the medication I was prescribed was a whopping $4 for 2 months worth.  

Please continue to pray for us.  Here's to hoping we see something on that empty ultrasound screen very soon.  

Easter 2014

I think Logan has been asking about Easter and the Easter Bunny ever since Santa left in December! He's been so excited for Spring to get here  and he's been dying for a chocolate bunny.

We kept Easter pretty low key this year. We went to church Saturday night, and had a lovely service that reminded us of the miracle that happened Easter morning. 

We came home and got to bed early so the Easter Bunny would know it was time to come. 

I snapped a few videos Easter morning. He has so terrible bedhead, but his excitement is just too cute! 

Can you hear him enjoying this chocolate bunny?  There were lots of "mmms" coming from him.

This is what the Easter bunny left Logan. The Easter Bunny actually had to out a few of the things away in a closet to save for this summer because there was just too much. Think he's spoiled much? 

Crazy hair morning, but loving his new Legos! 

He had to pee pee during his Easter Egg hunt at Mimi's and he insisted on wearing pajamas.

 To finial off his day, He enjoyed making some special Easter cookies, too! 

We had a very special Easter and hope you and your family did too.

I Spy

Logan loves to play the game I Spy.  The idea is you secretly see something and then give the other player a clue like what letter it starts with or what color it is.  Well, Logan loves to play the game and he understands about giving the clue, but there's a problem.  He usually only picks things that we can't see and in true Logan fashion, it all ties to animals.  I love this video and I'm so glad to get his little voice recorded, too.  I love the way he says "little" right now.

5 Year Age Gap

Well, it's official. I'm not pregnant this month, which you would think I'd be used to by now, but it was a little harder to accept this time. When we first started trying last year, I honestly thought we'd have a new baby in our house and I'd be home on maternity leave right now.

I keep reminding myself of the lesson God is showing me; that His timing is perfect and He has a plan for our family.  At some moments it's hard to remember this, but I remind myself to be thankful for Logan and his health and know that we are doing everything we can to grow our family.  

At the fear of sounding superficial, this cycle was our last chance for a 2014 baby.  This means that our kids will be at least 5 years apart.  I know people have kids everyday with bigger age gaps than this and I probably shouldn't have this thought, but it is something I think about.  Again, when we started dreaming about adding to our family, I imagined our kids would be 4 years apart just like my brother and I are.  The 4 year age gap seemed perfect.  Logan would be in school by the time a new baby came, he would be more independent and self sufficient, and thinking long term, we would only have one in college at a time. I know with them being 5 (or more) years apart we will have those same benefits, I just hope it doesn't put too much distance between them.  I know we can't see the future, but I almost wish we wouldn't have waited to long to start trying for another baby.  

Alright, enough with the boo hooing...It's time for my big girl panties and time for move forward.  

I am looking forward to calling Dr. Hasty's office tomorrow to schedule my bloodwork and ultrasound appointment and trying to figure out what this crazy body of mine is doing, or maybe what it's not doing.  

Check out this awesome smiley face Logan drew the other day.  I think it's pretty darn cute!

The Easter House

Granddaddy has been calling us on the way home for a few weeks telling us all about this Easter house that he passes on the way home from work each day.  We were near his office on Thursday, so we decided to meet for a few minutes to see just what all the excitement was about.  

It wasn't enough for my dad just to show Logan the decorations, he had to go knock on the door to meet the person who lived there.  He was greeted by a sweet lady, Ms. Anderson, who had lived in the house for over 40 years.  She seemed very excited to have visitors and was happy to let us take a few pictures.

Mr. Curious had to open an egg

In true fashion of my father, we just had to go inside to see even more Easter decor, since that wasn't enough.  Bless the poor woman's heart, she didn't have a lick of air conditioning turned on and there was a wasp flying around the ceiling.  The wasp is why Logan is curled up in my arms, although you may have thought it was from the forty bunnies staring us down.  

Thanks Granddaddy for another memorable adventure!  

The New New Plan

Monday morning Chris and I awoke to horrible thunderstorms and a monsoon of rain, hopefully that was just the rain before our rainbow.  We dropped Logan off and headed to our appointment with Dr. Lisa Hasty with Atlanta Center for Reproductive Medicine.  Dr. Hasty was one of the starting partners with this practice over 20 years ago.  

When we went 5 years ago, we saw Dr. Carpenter in the Perimeter office, but when we scheduled this appointment we decided to try their brand new Marietta location.  We walked into a beautifully decorated office and were very anxious to hear what they had to say.  Natalie, our nurse practitioner that we will be working with, called us back and went over our paperwork and our history.  She was so welcoming and calmed our nerves immediately.  

After meeting with her, she led us into Dr. Hasty's office and within seconds I was in love with Dr. Hasty.  She spent a few minutes just getting to know us and asking all about Logan.  Then she listened as I went over the last year, and I never once felt rushed or felt like she wasn't listening.  She would respond and ask questions and I could tell she was truly interested in my care and helping us get pregnant.  I had my emotions in control up until she started going over the possibilities she believe that might be contributing to us not getting or staying pregnant.  As my first few tears escaped she was so understanding and told me it was completely normal to have so much emotion with this.  As much as I didn't want to, I continued to cry for the next 10 minutes as we made our plan.  (Once my tears start I pretty much have to keep crying until I've gotten it out.)  

Here is what she is thinking.  She took blood from both of us to do a chromosome analysis.  She explained that if we have an abnormality, that sometimes our chromosomes make a good match (Logan) and sometimes they wouldn't (miscarriage). This test takes 3-4 weeks to get back.  She said this only accounts for 5-10% of her patients with multiple losses so she didn't think this was it, but she wanted to rule it out.  She also went ahead and scheduled a SIS - Saline Infusion Sonohysterography.  This test will be done in the middle of my next cycle.  Saline solution is instilled into my uterine cavity and then an ultrasound is performed to check for any polyps, fibroids or scar tissue in the uterus.  Again, she didn't think this was it, but wanted to check it just to rule out anything else.  

She also drew several vials of blood yesterday to check for PCOS - Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, as this is what she believes may be going on.  She said I do not have many of the classic symptoms, but she believes I still may have a mild case of this.  After doing some reading, I found that this is very common and actually affects 1 in 10 women in the U.S.  I will be going in next week for more blood work and an ultrasound to check my ovaries.  If the ultrasound and blood work confirm that I do indeed have PCOS, then she said she will immediately start me on Metformin, a prescription drug that is usually used to treat diabetes.  

Lastly, she drew blood to check my thyroid levels.  She said they are very particular about the TSH level, even more picky than my general practitioner.  In order to conceive it's ideal that the TSH level be in an exact range.

She felt confident in saying that there were likely no issues with Chris or his "swimmers".  Chris was quite relieved, and so am I.  I know I would stress more if I knew we were dealing with problems on both sides.  

Chris and I left feeling great, especially after hearing Dr. Hasty say she had no doubts about us being able to bring a baby home soon.  So, now we are just in a little waiting phase until my next cycle begins.  Once it does, we will get going on our new plan and hopefully rule some things out or get confirmation for what to do next.  *There is a possibility we could be pregnant this cycle since I'm waiting to test.  It's not likely, but it is possible.  If I am, the baby's due date would be Christmas Eve!!  (Perhaps that Christmas miracle I was hoping for last December?)  I'm excited for the new plan, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't praying this was our month.  

Thanks for the prayers and please keep them coming!  

Approaching a Year

As we inch closer to the one year mark of trying for baby #2, we decided to go ahead and make an appointment to see the fertility specialists.  I called last week and scheduled the appointment for April 7th, which is during my Spring Break.  They said the inital appointment usually takes 2-3 hours, so I figured this would be a good time.  I was able to schedule with one of the founding doctors of this practice who has been with the group for 20+ years.  This is the same practice we went to when I was pregnant with Logan and saw another doctor who initially helped treat my hypothyroidism. 

I know it's going to be stressful as we will be facing many tests, unforseen expenses (since no treatment is cover by insurance) and also digesting the realization that we aren't able to create a baby without medical intervention, but I know it will (hopefully) also bring us some answers and (hopefully) success.  

I filled out the 30+ page packet and have sent medical record requests to my other doctors.  I have an entire notebook organized and ready to go.  I have included all of my charts documenting each month's temperatures and ovulation patterns, as well as lab work from my two previous doctors.  

I don't often ask for prayers, but please say a special prayer for our family over the next few weeks.  I am pretty anxious about the appointment and what our options will be.  We are praying that there will be a simple, inexpensive solution and we will soon be the family of four we have been dreaming about for so long. 

Best Show On Earth!

"

Mimi and Pop gave Logan tickets to the Circus for his birthday.  Logan was so excited to go and talked about seeing the elephants, tigers and lions (we found out there are no lions at the circus) for weeks.  He would wake up and ask, "Is today the day we go to the circus?"  When I had to tell him it wasn't he'd make a sad face and say, "Aw, man!"

We arrived early and went down on the arena floor for the pre-show.  There were clowns juggling, an aerial dancer and a bounce house for kids to jump in.  Logan was convinced the tigers were in the bounce house and after about 10 minutes, he begged to go to our seats so the tigers wouldn't get him.

We decided to get a snack before going to our seats, and of course, Logan found the toys.  They were hard to miss since they had a toy stand about every 20 feet in there.  He picked the white tiger...no surprise there!  We tried to show him the bigger stuffed animal white tiger, or the cute stuffed white tiger and baby, but he insisted on this smaller plastic one.  He was so proud of it, and loved the "jingle bells" around it's neck.

Logan decided his snack of choice was popcorn.  The circus was great and Logan was really enjoying it.  When the acts changed and there were no animals performing, he would lean over and whisper, "Mom, when do more tigers and elephants come out?"  This child is obsessed with animals!  Then, when the animals would come out, his eyes were dead locked on them just like the picture below.

See that elephant?  And Logan's blue lips?  We are such suckers and just couldn't tell Logan no when he asked for a snow cone in the elephant.  You can's spoil a child, right?

Logan's Four-ocious Animal Party

I still can't believe it!  My little guy is 4!!  Seriously, where does the time go?  It seems just like yesterday I was a big crying mess waiting for my brand new baby to finally be brought back to me after being whisked away moments after he was born.  I can still remember the sound of the wheels from the bassinet being rolled into the room and I awaited to hold my baby for the first time.  The moment I finally was able to see him and breathe his sweet scent is one I will never forget or take for granted.  He was my son, and I was his mama.  As hard and as long as that day was it was the best day of my life.

We love to celebrate his special day and I'm afraid I've gotten a little carried away with the party themes, but at this point I can't stop, right?
We have had a Winter One-erland party, a Two-odles Mickey party, a Three-Ring Circus, and now a Four-ocious Animal party.

Logan is, well let's just be honest, OBSESSED, with animals.  He loves all things animals and can probably name and identify more animals than you knew existed.  He loves to read books about animals, and I love the fact that nine times out of ten, he will pick a nonfiction animal book over a fiction book.  This little sponge will hear something about an animal one time and it's recorded in his mind.  It only seemed fitting to have an animal themed party this year.

I had a blast getting everything together for this party and it made it even more special because Logan wanted to help so much with the preparations.

Now for the party fun!  We made animal necklaces, made animal crates and even went on an animal hunt outside.  After our hunt, we had cake and ice cream and watched Logan open his presents.  I should have know better than to schedule the party during nap time, because my little lion got a little upset mid party.  I think he was just a little overwhelmed and his patience was running on the low side.

The last two birthdays, he has cried when everyone gathered around to sing him Happy Birthday, so luckily this year he was able to tell me that he didn't want anyone to sing to him.  Knowing he was already a little upset, I decided it was his party and we would just go with it.  If he didn't want us to sing, we wouldn't.  So instead we all gathered around and enjoyed cake and ice cream together.  

(Logan's Great Grandma with one of the twins)  Who doesn't love a cuddle?

There's a little inside secret between my Dad, Logan and this Bunny statue.  Granddaddy searched everywhere to find him and I'm sure Logan is really glad he did. We are excited for our very own Bob to live at our house! 

We had such a fun time celebrating with Logan and we feel so blessed to be his parents.  

Happy 4th Birthday!

First Dentist Visit

I have been dreading the first visit to the dentist ever since our not so fun visit to the eye doctor. If you missed that gem, you can read it here. 

We have been reading book about going to the dentist for months. Logan reads them almost every night and really seemed to like the idea of going to the dentist. I of course made it known that he would get a prize if he was a good boy at his check up. 

I took the recommendation of Logan's doctor and mom mother in law, and made his appointment with this specific dentist.   It is actually the same dentist that Chris went to when he was little. 

We headed to the dentist and I was still talking up all the cool things he would see and the prize he would get to pick at yeh end, just like the books we read. The office was very kid friendly and Logan made himself right at home in the waiting room. 

Logan was not to excited when he heard them call his name , and dropped to the floor. I carried him back and we talked to the hygienist first. She went over a little bit of his history and told me what they hoped to do. She said the first visit usually consist of taking his picture, teeth counting, cleaning, x-rays if he's okay with it and a fluoride treatment. I started laughing as I was wrangling Logan just to sit in my lap while we talked. I told her I wasn't sure how much he'd be willing to do, but we would give it our best. She said they would be very flexible and just do whatever he was comfortable with. 

We got back to the area, and he was a little overwhelmed. The hygienist was trying to show him the tools, and he had spotted the prizes. We decided to skip the tool introduction and went for the picture with the big toothbrush. Here's what we got.

Next, Logan found the alligators with big teeth and decided to put them in the chair and brush their teeth. The hygienist let him do that for a minute or two, and then said it was his turn for the chair. He again, laid on the floor and decided he wanted nothing to do with the chair or the cleaning. The dentist noticed our lack of enthusiasm, and hurried right over. She had me sit in a regular chair and sit Logan on my lap.  I then sat knee to knee with her and laid him back into her lap.  I had to hold his hands down while the dentist held his head.  She basically had to pry his mouth open while he screamed. She was able to look at his teeth and check his bite.  She said everything looked good, and said we would stop here for today. She then quickly painted on a fluoride treatment and described it as very sticky and grainy. Logan probably would have described it as poisonous. He started spitting and rubbing his mouth all over me. 

We thanked the dentist and headed over to pick out a prize and a sticker. Logan also got a bag full of things to take home like toothpaste, a penguin toothbrush, flossers, and his keepsake picture for his baby book.

The dentist recommended that we come back in 4 months for a happy visit. This is just a visit for Logan to come see everything again and get a little more comfortable. Then, he'll have his next cleaning in July. 

I try to keep reminding myself that at some point in his life these appointments will get easier, right??

New Year, New Plan

I am entering 2014 with a positive outlook and a new plan for adding to our family. 

I called my doctor Thursday after I started bleeding and he wanted me to come in, but I had to wait until Monday because he wanted to have ultrasound available. 

I went to the appointment Monday with high hopes of making an plan with my doctor and hopefully start getting some answers to what's going on. When I arrived, they had me go straight to ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a little confused about why I was having an ultrasound, as was I since I hadn't even talked to the doctor yet. I explained my situation to her and said I thought maybe he wanted to check for any remaining pregnancy tissue from this early loss or the D and C from September. She said everything looked normal and wrote up a quick report. 

Next, I went back to a room and waited to see the doctor. The nurse took my vitals and then I heard her talking to the doctor across the hall. As they were discussing that I was ready to be seen, I couldn't help but notice both the nurses and my doctor were using a tone almost like they were annoyed that I was there again. I quickly reminded myself that they were the ones that wanted me to be seen. 

My doctor came in and basically said that these early losses are common and we should just keep trying. He tends to always remind me that I had one child, so we know I can get pregnant. I want to scream at him, "we'll I'm pretty sure that doesn't guarantee I'll get pregnant again". 

When I questioned him about three losses in a row in just seven months, he said something about "trust me, look at my grey hair". I continued to question him, knowing my intuition is telling me something is not right, and he agreed to run lab work after this cycle. When I asked about seeing the specialist, he said if I felt the need for a plan, I could make an appointment for March, but he didn't think I needed the "big doctors" to get involved yet. 

I left knowing I wasn't going to get anywhere else with him, and also feeling like I wasted their (and my) time. I got in my car and cried for a few minutes. I just needed to get some feelings out. It's pretty emotional to go through all of this and I hate to think I am blindly going into another month where this may happen again. I was just hoping he would seem concerned enough to help me make a plan to start to look at why this might be happening. 

I, stupidly, called and canceled the appointment with the specialist, because I was thinking I didn't need it since he said not to go. I then talked to a friend who highly recommended her OB/GYN office and said the office actually does some of the initial infertility testing and treatment. She said the doctors are young and really seem to listen. I decided that maybe that is what I need, a new fresh look and approach to what's going on. I really like my curent doctor and I think he has a ton of experience and is probably one of the best OB's around for delivering babies, but I think he is very old school and conservative. I've decided that my new plan is to keep trying or "practice, practice, practice" as my dad says, and see this new OB in three weeks. 

After I made that plan and got some of my frustration handled, I was thinking it was stupid of me to cancel the appointment with the specialist, what's the worst they could do, tell me to keep trying and see me in a few months? So I called the specialist back to see if the appointment was still available, but of course it had already been filled. I made the final decision that my plan was in place and it would all work out.

So, I'm already feeling better and I'm ready to ring in the new year, with a positive attitude and a hopefully spirit that God will bless us with a little bundle very soon.  I'll update after my appointment on January 20th.